Our Roles in Relationships
In relationships we all have our roles. Some people play the conventional roles more than others. I know couples where the wife does all the DIY and the husband does all the cooking. Some might describe them as slightly unconventional but not uncommon. If you remain living in the same place, doing the same job etc these roles generally remain the same.
When The Balance is Tipped
Many relationships experience a tip in the balance when they move to Spain and it can affect the relationships for the good or sometimes the bad. For younger couples, work is an issue when relocating to Spain. I have seen many cases where, unexpectedly, the wife after spending a long period of time at home finds work but the husband doesn’t. It is usually not what they had anticipated when planning their move but requires them to swap roles. The nature of the work situation in Spain means that couples have to be resourceful and sometimes prepared to take what is on offer, even if it means a complete turnaround for the family. Certain types of men slip into the role comfortably but many only cope with it for so long. The outcome of this can be separation, divorce or in best cases, returning to the UK so that the husband can return to work.
When One Partner Learns Spanish
The balance of power also shifts when one partner (usually the woman) learns Spanish and the other doesn’t. From this point on the Spanish speaker becomes responsible for anything which involves negotiating and administration. This can be an enormous burden on the Spanish speaking partner as it is an enormous pressure especially in Spain where paperwork in all aspects of life is in abundance. Bearing in mind that the Spanish speaker is unlikely to be fully proficient in Spanish, just better than the partner, makes it a far more stressful roles than it would have been in the UK. Not only will they be faced with all admin including the dreaded Telefonica phone calls but they will also have to accompany their partner to anything official e.g. doctors, dentist appointments. This can have unhealthy consequences as their independence and free time is being eaten into. As a family they become less time efficient with both partners wasting hours at appointments when one of them could be getting on with other things. Not only this but it also chips away at the confidence of the non Spanish speaking partner who gradually becomes more and more dependent on his or her partner.
When One Partner Drives
It is also an issue when one partner refuses to drive in Spain and becomes reliant on the other. It is difficult to get about the coasts if you don’t drive. If you were a driver in the UK but you won’t drive in Spain, you are really constricting yourself and limiting your travel opportunities. What happens if the driving partner gets a job and needs the car at work all day? This is often the case and leaves the partner at home feeling stranded and isolated.
People Don’t Consider
These are just a few of the issues that people don’t give much thought to when they plan their move to Spain. Nevertheless, they are issues that have an impact on the balance of power in relationships. Unfortunately, if the balance of power is tipped too far it can cause problems such as resentment and loss of independence. Couples should prepare themselves better whilst they are in the UK. Everybody needs to take responsibility for themselves when making such a big move. There may be times when your partner needs to return to the UK without you. It is important that both parties feel that they can deal with anything unforeseen without the other one around.