Spain has its obvious benefits for children but does it offer British mothers what we need? Of course, the ages of our children plays a major factor in our role as a mother. Certainly for mothers of young children that are new to Spain, the first couple of years can be very isolating. There are opportunities to meet other mothers at the park but when it is too hot to go to the park or during bouts of rain it becomes difficult for mothers of young children to socialise. Many mothers complain that there isn’t the mother and toddler group culture that we have in the UK. Mothers with babies also miss out on the health visitor support system that we have in the UK. Once you give birth in Spain and you leave the hospital you are pretty much left to get on with it.
Where British mothers are living far from their family and friends, Spanish mothers rely heavily on their mothers and sisters for support. British mothers end up putting their children into nursery much sooner than they would have done in the UK due to the lack of socialisation opportunities. There are always attempts made by expats to start baby gym set ups but they are usually in it with business intentions and the financial objectives overshadow the fundamental purpose.
Unfortunately, unlike in the UK you can’t find unpretentious groups set up in a hall where mothers donate a couple of pounds and enjoy a coffee and a chat for an hour to break up a morning. You are more likely to find it in the more densely expat populated places such as Marbella but you can guarantee that it will be full of silicon enhanced mothers accompanied by their nannies. So, the truth is early motherhood in Spain can be isolating. If you are lucky, once your child starts school you can strike up friendships with other mothers. However, I have friends that find it difficult when the other mothers are cliquey or have to dash off to start work early. It depends on the school. I am very lucky that the bunch of mums, both Spanish and British at the school where my girls attend are very approachable and helpful.
So once your children do reach school age, how easy is it for British mothers to start building a life for themselves. Well, to be honest job opportunities generally aren’t what they are in the UK. Many women do find themselves in jobs that they are over qualified for. There are simply fewer and fewer expat jobs at the moment especially for those that don’t speak Spanish.
For women who want to progress in terms of further education or learn a new skill, options are limited. Although Spanish lessons can be found in local cultural centres, there isn’t the adult education system with lots of courses and a flexible timetable that we take for granted in most large towns in the UK. Likewise, if reading is your thing in many areas in southern Spain, you may be sorely disappointed by library standards. In fact they probably won’t be any where near what you are used to in the UK. On the other hand more and more English language book shops are sprouting up to serve the demand but you won’t find the bargains that you get in supermarkets etc in the UK.
A fear of driving in Spain is what impedes a lot of expat women. As everything tends to be spaced out and public transport can be inadequate along the coast, not being able to drive can make life problematic. If you can’t drive, make sure you get your license before you come to Spain. You can learn to drive in Spain but I hear that it is awkward if you don’t know Spanish as the English version of the test is almost incomprehensible.
Depending on where you live in the UK most people are used to a set up with they have everything that they need nearby. Nearly every large town has a hospital, each area has a doctor’s surgery, a chemist, convenience stores. On the coast many expats live in gated urbanisations that are located far from the infrastructure. With regards to convenience and shops, Spain’s supermarkets and shopping in general just doesn’t compare to the choice and competitive prices that the UK offers today. What you can find under one roof in the UK, in Spain you find yourself having to drive around in and out of four or five shops.
Mothers make sacrifices especially the more inland you go. Where you might have enjoyed a night out with your girlfriends in the UK,at a local pub you may find you can no longer do that if you are living in the villages where bars are full of workmen. If you enjoyed watching the latest releases at the cinema, you may have to wait a bit longer until they are released on DVD as cinemas are located in cities and are of course in Spanish. However, if you are on the Costa del Sol, some of the cinemas in the more expat populated areas show the film in English. This website has them listed Marbella Guide .
If you were a gym goer in the UK, it may not be as straight forward. In areas like Marbella the gyms are modern but very expensive but move inland and you are even less likely to find the latest in fitness classes. Walking and swimming are good free alternatives. When it becomes too hot to walk during the summer months, swimming takes over.
I have painted a negative picture but these are all sacrifices that we make knowingly or unknowingly when we decide to relocate to Spain. They may seem minor in comparison to the benefits of living in Spain but it is worth pointing them out. It isn’t straight forward for British mothers finding their way in Spain. It is a huge upheaval and some people get used to it quicker than others. As I mentioned before, as a mother, the age of your child will determine the friends that you make, the hobbies and leisure interests that you pursue etc. The best thing to do is not to make comparisons with the UK. Neither country is better or worse for mothers, they are just different and both offer different things.